Carrying the Tiger
An inspiring story of love, loss, and recovery
In the spirit of Suleika Jaouad’s Between Two Kingdoms and Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking comes Carrying the Tiger: Living with Cancer, Dying with Grace, Finding Joy while Grieving, a life-affirming memoir about the full circle of life and death.
“A beautifully devastating memoir… a remarkable odyssey of learning to ‘live fully in the shadow of death.’” – Publishers Weekly BookLife (Editor’s Pick)
When Tony Stewart’s wife, Lynn, receives a sudden and devastating diagnosis, their scramble begins to find effective treatment, navigate life-threatening setbacks, learn to live fully in the shadow of death, and, ultimately, share the intimate grace of her departure from this world. After Lynn’s death, Tony slowly climbs out of his shattering grief and, surprisingly, eases toward new love.
There is uncertainty, fear, and sorrow in his journey, but also tenderness and joy, along with a renewed perspective on what it means to live and love with one’s whole heart.
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“A masterclass in facing life’s hardest moments with grace… will resonate with anyone who has faced serious illness or the loss of a loved one.” — IndieReader
Adapted from a decade of posts on CaringBridge.org that chronicled Tony’s odyssey, both at Lynn’s side and afterward, Carrying the Tiger is an honest, passionate tale that offers a deeply intimate look at grief and its hopeful aftermath.
“Your book helped me transition through the painful loss of my best friend and then my brother and his wife. I know it will touch many others in a profound way.” — Gail Dahl
“[The book] is not about disease but about care, love and very interesting observations, so that someone reading it might not fear the journey but find it miraculous, unexpected and enriching...” — Cara Hyson, Director of the Writing Center, St. George’s School
“A remarkably attuned rendering of the author’s and his wife’s experience of receiving a life-threatening cancer diagnosis, of their search for viable treatments, and of gaining and losing Time... A beautiful and very human love story which breathes an extraordinary generosity of spirit.”
— David Newman, author of Talking with Doctors
“I'd recommend it to a friend who wants to know what the process of 'living with dying' is like, and also I'd recommend to anyone the parts after Lynn's death, in which it balances grieving and thriving — the book becomes remarkable at that point.”
— George Mancuso*, MD, Cancer Committee Chair
* name changed because his employer does not permit endorsements
“Being a caregiver is all-consuming, beautiful, and impossible, and Tony shares it all with the reader. The book is both devastating and hopeful as we accompany Tony through his wife's diagnosis and illness and his subsequent discovery that joy and grief can live hand in hand.” — Jessica Fein, author of Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes
Synopsis (spoiler alert)
The first half of the book, “Living with Cancer,” is written with the intensity of a thriller. Tony and Lynn scramble to find treatments that can hold down her cancer; learn to live fully in the face of incurable disease; navigate serious setbacks and life-threatening complications; and eventually live well for several years despite the ever-present tumors.
Part two, “Dying,” begins on the day that Lynn’s tumors resume growing. In a slower, more thoughtful style, Tony zooms in on the final year of her life, filled with increasing fear and pain, until she and Tony reach the difficult decision to stop treatment and begin home hospice. Then time stops almost entirely as Tony shares the intimate grace of Lynn’s departure from this world.
In part three, “I Carry your Heart,” Tony explores his shattering grief and gradual healing. Six weeks after Lynn’s death he begins talking with an acquaintance, Cordelia, about their shared grief. They soon realize that they are mutually attracted, filling Tony with confusion and guilt about being drawn to another woman while still mourning Lynn. Together, Cordelia and Tony find ways to celebrate Lynn’s life as they build their relationship. She helps him learn to carry Lynn’s heart in his heart, even as he struggles to accept new love.
Tony journaled in real time on CaringBridge.org, and the book was adapted from that journal. It features many of the insightful comments that his friends posted there, a Greek chorus and cheerleading squad that provided strength and support at every stage of the journey.
